Ping Pong

My life is like a bouncing ball. I go from places to places, cities to cities. I never stop do I ?

At first it is just an idea. I leave Reunion Island without quite realizing what awaits. Full of question I arrive in this odd country called England.It's cold & new. Everything is New. Europe is New. I visit the country, go to Paris & from that moment on start bouncing all the way back and forth between England & France.I'm just going to visit friends & family but to my surprise emotions of all sorts start to emerge. Emotions I would never have thought of. & I'm crying leaving this country, leaving people I care about behind.I bounce back to England."I will never go back" I swear .It would spare me some tears.I have a life here in Sheffield, I have friends. Life slowly goes back to normal. Then I switch on my computer and book a flight to France for the 3rd time. What am I doing? I swore...

But it's too late. I'm back in France enjoying the familiar streets, rivers, sounds, & faces. 15 days go by very quickly. As my holidays are coming to an end I'm sure this time will be easier to leave.I've done it before. It should be easier...but it's not.

For awhile I stop going anywhere only to see my friends leaving England one by one. I need to leave too ! I can't stay alone here. & again I go online . This time I want something new. I book to the US. It is just too perfect. I visit & discover. My eyes wide open.But as the days go by I feel something growing inside me.My attempt at not having any feelings whatsoever is a big failure. I can feel it. It's like a parasite. It's spreading inside my chest, my whole body. "It will be okay" I keep telling myself. But it is not okay. I have to leave now and my heart is torn apart. Tears rolling down my cheeks. People are watching.I don't care. My throat hurts so bad I can barely talk. I want to rewind and replay everything.I'll give everything just to go back in time.

It's too late. I land in Paris. My eyes are swollen from crying. I hate Paris. I close my eyes so I don't have to be there. I don't listen to people around me. I don't want to be there.I need sleep to escape.

Then I land on Reunion. I feel like I'm going to die.I don't want to be there either. I don't want to.... The sun. I missed the sun so much.Those mountains, the coconut trees, the heat, the view of the blue see ahead dazzling me. This is my home. & suddenly I smile.I'm glad to be here.